Beware the Lure of the Pygmy Goat

(Not actual goat)

I offer the following as cautionary tale.

Saturday was an absolutely beautiful summer day. It was the perfect excuse to get the hell out of the city and head out to the wineries on the North Fork of Long Island. After a full day in the sun and many glasses of wine we decided to make one more stop for one more glass. It all seemed innocent enough.

As we sat on a picnic table admiring the vineyards and the Simpson-esque clouds I caught a glimpse in the distance of an animal pen with a giant pirate ship in the middle. Naturally, I was drawn like moth to flame. My gait went from walk to skip to sprint the moment I saw the tiniest goat I've every seen standing on the deck of the great ship. The goat's slitty eyes met mine and it was magic. I couldn't believe I had lived 36 years and never experienced the pure pertinacious joy that is the pygmy goat.

I scratched his head and fed him pieces of my baguette for what seemed like an hour. My husband, John, soon informed me that, yes, it had been an hour and we needed to hit the road back to the city. We were soon on the highway. Sadly, our day was coming to an end, but I was still giddy from the wine and the warm afterglow of my time with my diminutive friend.

Suddenly, I was stricken with panic. Where was my purse? Where was my cell phone, my credit cards, my drivers license, my keys, my lip gloss, my bank card, my watch? It was all in my purse and my purse was not in the car.

Then it hit me like a ton of shawarma. My purse was 50 miles behind us. It was with the damn goat!!

We decided to keep going and call the winery in the morning hoping a kind soul had turned it in. When we got home my pessimism about the goodwill of my fellow man got the best of me and I began canceling all my credit cards and my cell service. There is no anguish like losing all your most important stuff. It is even worse when you lose it all because of a goat.

I know. I know. It's a story as old the hills. Who hasn't fallen victim to the siren song of a pygmy goat on a pirate ship? I guess it was just my turn.